Sometimes it feels like the whole wide world has made itself my enemy.

New title for my blog

2008-04-26T11:00:00.000-07:00

what do you guys think?

And finally, the awesome / craziness that was Taste of Chaos

2008-04-22T19:09:00.000-07:00

So after getting to the Long Beach Arena, I got settled in. I came about 150 miles to see my two favorite bands. The opening acts went pretty much like any other shows. They weren't bad, but they weren't good either. However, as soon as Bullet for my Valentine started playing, everybody tried to bum rush the barrier. I was probably at around the 4th row of people. Their set was absolutely amazing and I made it into 2 out of the 4 circle pits that formed. They played a great show, extremely energetic.
I had to take a little bit of a breather/drink break between sets since i was so wiped out. Atreyu rocked the arena and early in the set i surfed the crowd up to the front of the crowd. They started off the set with "right side of the bed" and ended with "lip gloss and black." It ruled!
Avenged Sevenfold taped their set for their live DVD so they pulled out all the stops. The show included flamethrowers, fireworks, and two projection screens. So something kinda weird happened during A7X's set as well. So I had kinda made some friendly conversation with an attractive woman before A7X started playing, as I often make small talk with random people when I go to shows alone. Once the band started getting into the music, a pit opened up right to the left of me so I faced it in order to brace myself against the incoming mob. As I did so, about a minute into it, the girl that I was talking to put her arms around my waist and kinda held onto me from behind. At first I thought it was for safety, but then she continued. I was caught so off guard that I didn't know how to react, so I didn't really react at all. This went on for most of the set with her hands either around my waist or on my arms, all the time me being fairly confused. However, it wasn't really that weird for some reason. she was a normal cool girl. the show ended and we went our separate ways.

I know, weird. I told you!

How many octopi die in vain?

2008-04-20T10:05:00.001-07:00

The Red Wings are in to the second round! even though it took them 6 games.

New member of my "family"

2008-04-20T09:42:00.000-07:00

Yay! I now have a branch below me in my Greek family tree! My good friend Jenny AKA Luganda asked me to be her big bro this Friday. Although no one outside of AGO can truly become a member of Porky's family, AKA the Matadors, (yes that includes you Madagascar) she is now in MY family and I'm really excited about it.

P.S. The pie and the root beer was great! Thank you.

P.P.S. I loved that shirt!

Taste of Chaos

2008-04-20T09:39:00.000-07:00

make sure I edit this soon enough so I can tell you about it

two weeks filled with 18 bands, 4 shows and 4 venues

2008-04-20T09:17:00.000-07:00

The eighteen bands were: Shattered Eyes (cookies anyone?), Murder on the Dancefloor, Autumn Black, Endure the Fall, The Cost of Salvation (Christian), Seconds from Disaster, D'espairsray, MUCC, The Underneath, Idiot Pilot, Blessthefall (Christian), Bullet for my Valentine, Atreyu, Avenged Sevenfold, Finch, Saosin, Flyleaf (Christian), and Seether.

The four shows were: a random SOMA show, Taste of Chaos, a random Saosin performance, and Seether's headlining tour.

The four venues were: SOMA, Long Beach Arena, the UC forum at USD, and Viejas concerts in the park.

I already mentioned the first show, but the last three were spectacular!

And the guitarist for Flyleaf played the guitar with a bow which is pretty baller!

Pressure the Hinges by Haste the Day, This Calling by All that Remains, Her Portrait in Black by Atreyu, and Creature by Atreyu

Oh my gosh

2008-04-14T01:32:00.000-07:00

Taste of Chaos was EPIC! I'll tell you about it tomorrow

Friends, Metalcore, and unexpected people

2008-04-07T00:37:00.000-07:00

So, yesterday, a friend of mine, Jenny AKA Luganda called me up and asked if I wanted to go see several hardcore/metalcore bands for $8 that night. If you know me, you know I'm always down for a good show, especially since I haven't been to a show since the end of last semester. So after everyone was invited it was me and Dink, my friend Alexa, and Luganda and Venda from Alpha Delta Chi. So it was already going to be a good night cuz I had music and good friends.
So I really had no idea who was playing that night except for Endure the Fall. The ones that I can remember were Murder on the Dancefloor, Autumn Black, Endure the Fall, the Cost of Salvation, Seconds from Disaster, and some band from Tijuana. So it was fun cuz I usually wear a black sleeveless t shirt to shows but since i had short notice i couldn't get my black tee. But Dink let me borrow his black and red Adidas almost titty tee. Bold, I know. But during Endure the Fall's set the singer pointed me out to the rest of the crowd and talked about how he liked my tee and my moustache. funny, I know. a few sets later they went out into the crowd and the guitarist and bassist showed up right next to me and we proceeded to have a conversation. It was pretty rad!
So everytime I go to a show with Dink, who is tons of fun to go with PS, somebody completely unexpected comes. Last time we went to see Haste the Day and Darko came. This time, as I said before, Venda came, which i definitely didnt expect. end of story, I know, boring.

My Fist, Your Mouth, Her Scars by Bullet for my Valentine*

yo homies

2008-04-03T13:32:00.000-07:00

here i lie alone and bored................................ End of story. somebody do something!

What in the crap is a Gaucho?

2008-04-01T14:43:00.000-07:00

So I'm writing this one from the UCSB library. The zeta house is pretty rad. It's right next door to Woodstocks Pizza which is pretty rad. I'm hanging out with Ben, AKA Link, right now and kinda waiting on the rest of my fellow men of Epsilon to get here tomorrow.
Spring break is pretty rad and the guys at Zeta are getting jealous since they are in school right now.

does anybody still read this?

2008-03-30T16:50:00.000-07:00

if so, make yourself known. maybe comment on this post or something

Yo! Life's rough and then you die. Right?

2008-03-30T15:22:00.000-07:00

So we've all heard it. "Life sucks... and then you die" "life's not fair" "the only things you have to do is eat, breathe, pay taxes, and die" "if it seems too good to be true, it is" You see, to me these seem to be self fulfilling prophesies. Ever since the fall of Man, one thing has been consistant throughout human history. This universal constant is a lack of trust, whether its logical or completely unfounded.
Let's just look at the incident itself for a bit. So Eve gave Adam the fruit of knowledge to eat. He, trusting her completely, ate the fruit and was subsequently banished from paradise for disobeying God's only commandment at the time. I'm pretty sure most everyone knows this story. Now understand this, I'm not going to tell you that this means that women are a manipulative and/or evil power on men, Eve's gender in this analysis is completely irrelevant.
*****warning. the rest is just my opinion and is not reported in the Bible******
Now let's take this a little further and think about the next time Eve asked Adam to do something. I don't think for one second that what happened the last time he listened to her didn't come to the forefront of his mind. Now whether or not he performed this action, in his heart i think he did it with trepidation and uncertainty. Wouldn't you, considering the circumstances? I think that this point in time was the death of true intrapersonal trust since Adam was unable to rely on a person that was made of his own flesh.
Now where does this leave us? A worldly form of "trust" does exist. I mean, I "trust" my AGO brothers, so doesn't that disprove everything I just said? Not at all.
Let's look at this trust.
1. It's really hard, it's very difficult to trust someone.
2. It's not in my nature. My natural tendency is to isolate myself. to protect myself from being hurt by people after I make myself vulnerable.
3. Reality. Not only do I realize that there is a possibility or even a strong probability that the people I trust will hurt me. I am absolutely positive that the people that I trust will hurt me, let me down, and/or outright betray me. And it will hurt much more
After thinking about this, it's easy to see why people can't and don't trust each other. In a world full of interactions you can begin to see how this negatively effects almost every aspect of our life. People's relationship with one another is filled with dissapointment and heartbreak. This being all that many people know, it's easy to see how that can be experienced as life sucks and will only lead to heartbreak and misery.
Why this is inaccurate and why we aren't doomed to a life of heartbreak and misery.
Although I've just spent the last period telling you about how humans are unreliable and untrustworthy, there is a TRUE form of trust in my life. This is the trust in God. God is perfect and will always love you. My trust in God is never misplaced because He is always doing the right thing and He never turns His back on me. It may not be fun at times but its always in my best interest.

Then again, I could be completely wrong about all of this, except I'm sure about the last paragraph.

Life less Frightening by Rise Against, Avarice by Disturbed, Faceless by Godsmack, Township Rebel by Rage Against the Machine, F*** the Police by NWA, So Intent by Danney Riley, Her Portrait in Black by Atreyu, The Kids Aren't Alright by Offspring, Walk by Pantera, Born as Ghosts by RATM, Bricks by Rise Against, Hallelujah by Paramore, Lookin for Action by The Damned, Obstructed View by Rise Against.

No Control

2008-03-06T12:53:00.000-08:00

one more title inspired by music. But this one is a little different. In Bullet for my Valentine's song, part of the lyrics are:

I stare into your eyes, I stare into your eyes until

The tears start to pour rivers down your face I can't ignore

It calls out my name, anger takes it's hold

It's hold, But it won't stop cuz I have no control

I have no control

However, todays lesson is a little bit different. Right now I have the feeling of having absolutely no control over my life, and for the first time ever it feels good. I'm not grabbing to retain some little piece of control over my life. For once I'm not fearing the unknown future that I will be led into.

Instead, this lack of a plan has left room for God to come and do amazing things. I feel as though this has been the semester of uncertainty and miracles.

No Control by BFMV, Here we go Again by Paramore, Scream Aim Fire by BFMV, and F.C.P.R.E.M.I.X. by The Fall of Troy

about me

2008-02-14T10:30:00.000-08:00

so i took a bit of a personality profile and they pretty much nailed it.

Why You're Hot

You Are Exciting To Be With
You are not a boring person. In fact, you are often the life of the party wherever you go and whatever you do. You always have something to talk about, and you are constantly getting yourself into unbelievably funny situations. Potential partners love this about you because they know that there will never be a dull moment and that they will never have to worry about a lack of entertainment.

You Have A Heart Of Gold
One of the greatest gifts that you have to offer is that you have an amazing heart. You tend to reserve it for those by whom you feel adored, but you give it so freely when you find that special someone. Not only do you have a great heart, but you are able to create romantic moments and memories. You are easy to fall in love with just as you love easily and openly. Your partner will know that you would do anything for them, which is very endearing.

Why You're Not

You Are Irresponsible And Unreliable
You are here today, and then gone to Maui. You operate by the "better offer" principle, which means that you do not always follow through with plans that you make with your partner. You say, "I know that we were going to dinner tonight, but my friend just told me that (he/she) has an extra ticket to the Eagles concert, so I'll call you tomorrow." What your partner heard was, "Something more exciting than going out with you came up, so I'll call you next time I'm bored." Save yourself some cell phone minutes and don't bother calling

You Can Be Self-Centered And Inconsiderate Of Your Partner's Needs
You tend to look out for numero uno, far better than you look out for your partner. You think that the world revolves around your schedule and can be very thoughtless of what others are doing or what their needs are. She will grow tired of this very quickly, because in a committed relationship, she wants to be your first priority and not just plan "b".

fairly accurate, wouldn't you say?

It's finally here!

2008-02-11T10:36:00.000-08:00

After over a month of anticipation, the CD has finally arrived at my doorstep. I will now do a writeup on this CD as I have done with the others.

Scream Aim Fire
Artist: Bullet for my Valentine
Favorite Tracks: Hearts Burst into Fire, Deliver Us from Evil, Take it Out on Me, Last to Know, Eye of the Storm

Deliver Us from Evil and Take it Out on Me by BFMV

My 20th birthday

2008-02-11T10:34:00.000-08:00

It happened, it's over, end of story.

Hearts Burst into Fire by Bullet for my Valentine*

Confusion, Colusion, and Criminal Enterprises (just a few musings)

2008-01-19T00:17:00.000-08:00

Confusion
Why are emotions and feelings so hard to wrap your head around? Why can't a person know about themselves, their preferences, and their proclivities? Why can't ones subconscious hold a sort of cerebral "press conference," if you will, with my conscious to make me aware of what my heart and mind feels?

Colusion
I find it interesting that people feel that something that they either cannot or will not do by themselves is suddenly more possible, more acceptable, or less immoral when another person will assist that person in performing the act. Don't you?

Criminal Enterprises
I now understand how people can become Kleptomaniacs. I have recently been stealing a lot of stuff from ADX (don't worry, I returned it all) and there is a huge rush associated with the possibility of getting caught. I'm glad I'm not actually stealing stuff to keep, and don't condone it, but I can understand it!

Her Portrait in Black by Atreyu*, Creature by Atreyu*, Breathe into Me by RED*, Blow by Atreyu*, Bleeding Mascara by Atreyu*, Halleluja by Paramore, Empty Me by Jeremy Camp*, The Good Left Undone by Rise Against*

Some music to listen to, rather than to read about

2008-01-10T20:50:00.000-08:00

my playlist

follow the link for audio treats

A bad day turned into a good day

2008-01-10T15:37:00.000-08:00

Well the day started out crappy, since I was still working on my car, so it was out of commission and I couldn't go surfing in the morning.

But it ended up good since I got my first two vinyls in the mail. The Curse by Atreyu in red transparent vinyl, and A Death-grip on Yesterday by Atreyu in a red and black marbled vinyl. Then I fixed my car. I'm going surfing tomorrow, sweet

Breathe into Me by RED*, prayer of the refugee by Rise Against*, wrapped around your finger by Underoath*

update on my car

2008-01-09T15:09:00.000-08:00

so I fixed the water pump and put the car back together. Then I turned it on, and I heard a new grinding sound :(
so here's the story:
while replacing the water pump, 3 of the 12 bolts that held it in place and sealed it, were stripped, so I drilled and tapped them one size larger. I didn't realize it until the car was reassembled, but the new bolts were just a hair too long, so they rubbed up against the timing chain :(

Translation: another day without the car

Right Side of the Bed by Atreyu*, Like the Angel by Rise Against, Final Goodbye by Comeback Kid, Dead Ringer by Rise Against*

What I'm listening to right now part II

2008-01-08T16:28:00.001-08:00

Revolutions Per Minute
Artist: Rise Against
Favorite Tracks: Anyway You Want It, Black Masks & Gasoline, Dead Ringer, Broken English, Last Chance Blueprint, and Amber Changing

One-X
Artist: Three Days Grace
Favorite Tracks: Pain, Animal I have Become, Never Too Late, Riot, Over and Over, and Gone Forever

The Sufferer & The Witness
Artist: Rise Against
Favorite Tracks: Bricks, Prayer of the Refugee, Drones, Behind Closed Doors, Roadside, The Good Left Undone, and The Boy's No Good

The Curse (special edition vinyl)
Artist: Atreyu
Favorite Tracks: Bleeding Mascara, Right Side of the Bed, Corseting, My Sanity on the Funeral Pyre, and Five Vicodin Chased With a Shot of Clarity

A Death-grip On Yesterday
Artist: Atreyu
Favorite Tracks: Creature, Ex's and Oh's, Your Private War, My Fork in the Road (Your Knife in my Back)

Well Today Sucks!

2008-01-08T15:50:00.000-08:00

Well, yesterday the water pump in my car sprung a leak and drained almost all of the coolant out of my car, bringing the engine dangerously close to exploding. Now I have no means of transportation for today, and to make it worse, me and my family aren't getting along very well, so all I wanna do is get out of the house.
I'm going nuts

Anyway You Want It by Rise Against*, Give it All by Rise Against, All these things I hate (Revolve Around Me) by BFMV*, It's Dangerous Business Walking Out Your Front Door by Underoath*

haha

2008-01-06T12:11:00.000-08:00

I just realized that there are about 2 other people on the face of this earth that might have understood what the heck I was talking about. Oh well, I said what I came to say!

All these Things I Hate (Revolve Around Me) by BFMV*, Behind Closed Doors by Rise Against*, I'm Sorry by Flyleaf, Gin & Juice by Snoop Dogg

Isn't it funny?

2008-01-04T13:42:00.000-08:00

That things that you once thought were absolutes are no longer true? It proves yet again that I don't really know myself at all. I don't wanna go into too much detail about this one, because its rather private, but ill just tell you that there was something that i never thought that i would feel, but now feel. so I'm intrigued, amused, and confused all at the same time. I don't understand it.

Sorry that this was a little cryptic,
Tim

I'm so Sick by Flyleaf, Tip the Scales by Rise Against*, Dead Ringer by Rise Against*, Down, Set, Go by Underoath, Writing on the Walls by Underoath

Okay, I may have been a little hasty

2008-01-03T13:31:00.000-08:00

but im still not going back to the way it was. I hate the fact that people feel that its ok or acceptible for a goup of people who claim to give a s*** to gang up on one person. It's total bullcrap and an utter betrayal.

Down, Set, Go by Underoath, In Regards to Myself by Underoath, Life Less Frightening by Rise Against*

I'm done

2008-01-02T22:51:00.000-08:00

I'm done trying to be nice to people that aren't nice to me or I don't get along with, so go F*** yourself

The answers to my music quiz on facebook.

2008-01-02T01:00:00.000-08:00

a bonus for all the people that read my blog. I figured I'd give you the answers to my music related quiz since I talk about my music tastes in this blog so much. I know, it's kinda dumb, but oh well.

1. Ain't too proud to beg is by The Temptations
2. Atreyu is named after a character in the never-ending story
3. Tim McIlrath is not the singer of All That Remains
4. Epic is by both Atreyu and Faith No More
5. Pantera sings Walk
6. Flyleaf, with blood comes cleansing and As I lay dying are all christian
7. Riot is by Three Days Grace
8. Just Another Star is by Bullet for my Valentine
9. The Good Left Undone is by Rise Against
10. Cassie is by Flyleaf

State of the Union by Rise Against*, Room 409 by BFMV*, Down, Set, Go by Underoath, Get Out Alive by Three Days Grace

I'm a Tool...Kinda

2008-01-01T22:16:00.001-08:00

Blow by Atreyu*

Gone Forever

2008-01-01T16:41:00.000-08:00

well, like i told you, I'm now going to talk about it ended

I feel so, much better
Now that you're gone forever
Tell myself, that I don't miss you at all
Not lying,
denying,
that I feel so much better,
now that you're gone forever

So it finally ended when she moved away to Boston. It kind of freed me from this state of on again off again relationship status. I still cared about her though and felt pretty sad when she moved away, but I pretended not to. It worked out for the best in the end. I carried that scar around for a while though.

Gone Forever by Three Days Grace*, Under the Knife by Rise Against, Wake the Dead by Comeback Kid, Some Will Seek Forgiveness, Others Escape by UNDERØATH, I'm So Sick by Flyleaf*, Salmarnir by UNDERØATH, Amber Changing by Rise Against*, Bitter Tongue by Comeback Kid, Riot by Three Days Grace*, The Poison by BFMV, Watch Me Die by UNDERØATH

Over and Over

2008-01-01T14:58:00.000-08:00

yet another Three Days Grace inspired post.

Over and Over
Over and Over
I fall for you
Over and Over
Over and Over
I try not to

This lyric reminds me of a particularly painful relationship in my past in where we were together for about 3 months and then it was a constant on and off thing. The problem was that I knew very well that we should have been off and not on, but I seemed powerless to end it. I really liked her, but I knew we would never work. However I seemed not to have the will power to end it. But it finally did end, I'll tell you about that later.

Maybe I'll do a post on all of the songs on this album, I've already done a bunch.

Blow by Atreyu*, 4 Words (to Choke upon) by BFMV, Over and Over by Three Days Grace*, Behind Closed Doors by Rise Against*, There for You by Flyleaf, Red Sam (Acoustic) by Flyleaf, Let it Die by Three Days Grace, Animal I Have Become by Three Days Grace, Hit the Floor by BFMV

Pain

2008-01-01T01:26:00.000-08:00

(just another disclaimer, this post spawned from yet another song I was listening) but I thought it was appropriate, given new years resolution time.

"Cuz I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all"

once again, someone that is versed in rock would be able to tell you that this is a lyric from Pain by Three Days Grace

therefore my new years resolution is to allow myself to feel pain and grieve and not attempt to be numb. I might elaborate a little more later, but then again I might not.

Happy New Year,
The insecure little boy inside me

I'm Sorry by Flyleaf, The First Drop by Rise Against, Give and Take by Comeback Kid, Anywhere but Here by Rise Against, The Blue Note by UNDERØATH, Moving for the Sake of Motion by UNDERØATH

Inspired by: Pain by Three Days Grace

part 2

2007-12-29T17:21:00.001-08:00

Lead Sails (and a Paper Anchor) by Atreyu, Spit You Out by Bullet For My Valentine*, Red Sam by Flyleaf*, Everyone Looks So Good From Here by UNDERØATH

I realized I said photos fortcoming but they never came

2007-12-29T17:15:00.000-08:00

so here they are!

Have we been here before?

2007-12-29T16:37:00.000-08:00

Have we been here before?
Will we be here again?
I don't know how much more of this I can take.

Anyone who has similar tastes in music as I do may recognize these lyrics, they belong to the song Faint Resemblance by Rise Against. They bring up a good point. Doesn't life just seem like it's completely cyclical (?) at times? I mean, just look at how school is set up, semesters, school years, promotions to higher schools. All of these provide periods of repitition. This year seems pretty much the same as last year, college seems pretty much the same as high school and middle school except a little more freedom. This same old same old is driving me nuts cuz I hate ruts. I wish something would happen to drive me out of this rut. I really don't care what it is, as long as it stops the numbing mindless repetition!!!

Sorry for ranting,
Tim

Faint Resemblance by Rise Against, Fully Alive (both regular and acoustic) by Flyleaf, Chamber the Cartridge by Rise Against*, The Poison by Bullet for my Valentine*, Becoming the Bull by Atreyu*, Salmarnir by UNDERØATH, But Tonight we Dance by Rise Against*, Tip the Scales by Rise Against*

A note for the future

2007-12-29T16:24:00.001-08:00

Since it often influences the tone of my writing, from now on, I will be writing the songs that I was listening to while I was writing that particular post at the bottom. Check them out, I'll even put an asterisk next to it if it's one of my favorites.

Rock on,
Tim

Giving Up Hurts the Most by UNDERØATH, There For You by Flyleaf, Epic (covered by Atreyu)*

Turtle reconnects with another old friend

2007-12-28T15:12:00.000-08:00

So I went to Target the day after Christmas to buy the CD One-X by Three Days Grace (What a freaking dissapointment that was(not getting it, not that it sucked)). As I walked up to the entrance, I heard my name being called. Sure enough, I turned around and there was Luc Ruiz, a good friend of mine from middle school and high school who was also on my wrestling team from freshman to sophomore year. we had fallen out of contact so i was really glad to see him. Turns out he lives in orange county now and goes to community college there where he also plays football. However, comes back here about every other week, so i cant wait to hang out and catch up!

Let's Start a Riot!!!

2007-12-28T14:45:00.000-08:00

well what the heck is Tim thinking. He must've gone nuts, right? Well here are the reasons that this post is titled what it is:
1. I was listening to Riot by Three Days Grace when I started writing this post.

2. I'm really bored. Although extremely destructive and dangerous, would also be extremely exciting. P.S. there have been at least 2 formations of fighter jets flying suspiciously low and close to the house in the last week, which is both bewildering and exciting.

3. April 29, 1992 is my favorite Sublime song

4. I actually am kind of nuts! I mean come on, I'm writing a blog about my many personalities

What I'm listening to right now

2007-12-26T16:49:00.000-08:00

music is an important part of my life, so i figured id let you in on some of my tastes.
here's a list of the CD's I'm listening to:

Flyleaf
Artist: Flyleaf
My Favorite Tracks: I'm So Sick, Cassie (both the regular and acoustic versions), All Around Me, Red Sam, and Breathe Today

Lead Sail Paper Anchor
Artist: Atreyu
My Favorite Tracks: Doomsday, Falling Down, Becoming the Bull, Can't Happen Here, and Blow

Siren Song of the Counter Culture
Artist: Rise Against
My Favorite Tracks: State of the Union, To Them These Streets Belong, Tip the Scales, and Swing Life Away

The Poison
Artist: Bullet for my Valentine
My Favorite Tracks: Tears Don't Fall, All These Things I Hate (Revolve Around Me), Her Voice Resides, Cries in Vain, and Spit You Out

Other Random Songs I'm listening to
Scream Aim Fire! by Bullet for my Valentine, Just Another Star By BFMV, Hand of Blood by BFMV, ...Not Forever by Tsunami Bomb, and My Curse by Killswitch Engage

vulnerability

2007-12-24T15:59:00.000-08:00

so a couple of blogs ago I said that I "get pretty hurt when people try to make a fool out of me." Let's attempt to examine why. (caution! i have no idea where this is gonna go!). well let's look into my past a bit. Growing up I didn't have very many friends, and the few friends that i did have weren't very good friends. Whenever I had to rely on people, or opened up to people, they would either not come through for me, take advantage of me, or betray my trust. So gradually I found it easier to withdraw from people, not rely on or allow anyone to help me, and didnt let anyone know the real me. After I rededicated my life to Jesus Christ, I found that i couldn't go on that way shutting people out. I gradually started letting people in, starting with my closest friends. The first people i really opened up to were my pledge bros. Its still hard for me to open up, so when people are malicious with my feelings, it hurts even more.

Well there it is,
Tim

insomnia

2007-12-18T00:16:00.000-08:00

here I lie awake in bed

all these thoughts running through my head

why wont my mind just shut up

so instead i just went downstairs to play with my pup

why is it so hard for me to go to sleep

the longer I stay up, the more my thoughts become deep

instead of going to sleep, I need to pass out,

and wonder why my body is jostled about,

I know, its a pretty lame poem, but give me a break, I wrote it at 4 AM.

hmmm...? part II

2007-12-17T23:55:00.000-08:00

so im a pretty gullible guy, and get pretty hurt when people try to make a fool out of me so if somebody is yanking my chain I would appreciate if you would come clean now. That being said, the tarps were up for initiation, which still is't over but I'm on break now. If this is a legitimate person, I hope that this post hasn't scared you off at all. drop me a hint or something so that I can retain a small part of my sanity, Please.

So I've realized...

2007-12-17T13:15:00.000-08:00

That I really like a compartmentalization of my personas. I have a Nasa persona. I used to be called Nasa by AGO men, ADX girls, a few G phi B girls, and anybody I meet through AGO or at the house. I now don't like to be called Nasa by anyone other than AGO brothers of mine. I realize that ADX most likely will not agree to call me Tim, but If they really did care about me they would! I realized also that I like when my old wrestling buddies call me Turtle. I absolutely hate when other people call me Turtle, including my AGO bros.
P.S. Rocko wants to type something.
dxvezcvbjufrgxcrfewSABG GFRTFEA5ty7554et5r4ftsq7ujyx

hmmm...?

2007-12-17T12:55:00.000-08:00

Cool, I have a "secret admirer!" or so my last blog comment says. Either way, I don't know who it is. but at the same time im kinda bummed cuz i wont be able to let it go until I figure out who it is. so I've deduced that It's an ADX girl cuz the only other people that call me nasa are my AGO brothers and they would have just told me to write more. I don't think that it's pebble beach cuz she already told me to write more, and I don't think its matrix cuz she has already posted with her name on it. If the person I'm talking about has any concern for my sanity, please let me know if im on the right track? P.S. I plead ignorance. I'm pretty oblivious when it comes to these things

AGO banquet

2007-12-09T12:54:00.000-08:00

AGO banquet was pretty rad, I showed up looking spiffy, of course. My date, Alexa, showed up looking even more spectacular than she does on a normal basis, in her white / multicolored dress. The two of us pretty much tore up the swingset so that by the time we got off, it was smoking. The chicken was absolutely amazing, but maybe you shouldn't take my word for it since I won the Suicidal Soufle award for worst meal of the semester. Shox came up big again when it came to the video, amazing. photos forthcoming.

Nasa wins

2007-12-04T16:37:00.000-08:00

So I won our game of AGO-ADX bounty hunter today, which is pretty cool cuz now I get a gift card for best buy, so now I can buy a CD or something guilt free. I still have about 2 1/2 pages left on the report I was telling you about yesterday, but I dont have anything to do tonight other than devos and nothing tomorrow until my 330 class. Ill try to get most of it done now though.

Going to write my paper now,
Nasa

Day of confusion

2007-12-03T18:55:00.000-08:00

so last night Nasa was paid a visit by a few people, which ended up changing my image of certain people, substantially. I'm not going to go into too much detail about that. However, Tim's writing a paper on the obliteration of the hint of religion from public institutions and premises. I don't understand how this was allowed to happen. from my point of view, its clearly unconstitutional. Well anyways, Tim and Nasa are super excited for banquet (I have the best banquet date ever). and Tim wants it to be friday already so that I can see Atreyu and Avenged Sevenfold live!

I see a red door and I want it painted black

2007-12-02T11:35:00.000-08:00

A message from all of me:

There is a reason that this blog has a black background. Black is a theme throughout my life, but it's not as dark or depressing as it seems. To me, black is a serene and peaceful. My room is red and black, and represents the duality of my behavior. The red evokes thoughts of fervent motion, passion, and an impression that if you feel something that it is visible to others. It's trimmed in black, however, much like my life and persona. The black represents an opposing sense of mystery, tranquility, and quite honestly a bit intimidating. It's interesting that these are also my college's colors.

ponder that,

All of us

Turtle reconnects with an old friend

2007-12-02T10:58:00.001-08:00

Today I got to see my best friend from early high school. I haven't seen him in over 3 years. We wrestled together in high school until he moved to Napa sophomore year. I was kinda nervous about meeting him again cuz when we were buddies was the time in my life that I wasn't neccessarily doing what was healthy or what I should be, or was legal for that matter. But I was happy to discover that we had both mellowed out and that we were both in a good place in our lives.

More to come,
Turtle

Nasa the goofball poet

2007-12-02T10:43:00.000-08:00

So one of my best friends in Alpha Delta Chi, our Christian sister sorority, Miata and I were talking on the phone the day before our open mic night (but Tim, you say, don't you hate talking on the phone? why yes I do, to most people.) and as we were joking around, she said that I was going to write a "Miata is great" poem with no intention of me doing so, and I said "of course I am" having absolutely no intention of doing so. But I woke up the next morning and said "why not? it'll be fun, funny, and I don't really ever get embarassed. So here it is:

Im about to unwrap the enigma,
That’s been surrounding this girl from the pledge class called sigma,
If anybody doesn’t know my friend Miata,
Introduce yourself, trust me my friend, you wanna, you gotta
Miata to some, Esther to others,
I'm just glad I get to call myself her brother,
A woman who’s actively seeking after God,
She took off her mirror and called it a mod,
She’s a great girl, now let's give her a hand,
Besides, she’s the only Asian car I can stand,

Tim the mediocre poet

2007-12-02T10:41:00.001-08:00

here's the second one:

Broken Still (with acceptance)
You can call this part 2, you can call this the sequel,
For the love of our God there is absolutely no equal,
So here I am in college, and I’m stuck,
Somebody should have told me how much physics and calculus suck,
Three papers due tomorrow and four due today,
I’ve got six midterms next week much to my dismay,
With all of this stress im about to collapse,
Why cant it be kindergarten when we can take naps,
Im failing two classes, what will my parents think,
Stress like this has driven stronger men than me to drink,
But wait, what happened to that feeling that puts me at peace,
That feeling that my life just got a new lease,
Wait a second, I think I know, hold the phone,
Oh, that’s right, I’ve been bearing all these burdens alone,
Jesus died to carry my burden for me,
For the good of mankind is why He died so compassionately,
Jesus is alive inside of my heart,
So He’s not hard to get a hold of, of me He’s a part,
I gave Him my burdens which he wants to carry,
Now im at peace, nothing seems too scary,
if life seems like its getting way too hard to deal with, then give up control
Give it to God, He’s the one that saved your soul

Timothy the mediocre (at best) poet

2007-12-02T10:35:00.001-08:00

So we recently had an open mic night at my fraternity house so I figured I'd share what I read with you. All three of these were written within 4 hours of when they were read. here's the first one:

Broken Man
I came into this world a newborn lad,
Not a worry, nothing to make me feel sad,
But then life continued, and life got rough,
Nobody lemme know that this life thing was gonna be tough,
I felt broken inside, nowhere did I feel I belonged,
I knew something was missing in my life, something was wrong,
But surely, I said, I couldn’t be God that I need,
For I had been Christian my whole life, indeed,
Then god spoke to me as I had never cared to listen before,
He said, you say you are Christian, but are you really?, isn’t there more?,
After searching my soul, He showed me what was missing, He showed me what it was all about,
Although I considered myself Christian, went to church and believed in Him, without a doubt,
Right then and right there He gave me the key,
It was a knowledge and a relationship with Him that was what would save me
I’m still just as broken as I used to be,
But now He is the glue that can fix me,
He is our savior, who died on a cross for all our sins
And all that he asks is to love and to know one another and Him.
His blood was shed for all mankind,
To save our broken souls, both yours, and mine

let's get this party started

2007-12-02T09:48:00.000-08:00

For those of you that don't know me, I'm Timothy Vincent Dombrowski... or is it Tim... or is it Timmy... or is it "Nasa"... or is it "Turtle." Come to think of it, I don't even know exactly who I am. There are a few things that I do know about myself however. I am a man that strives to be a disciple of God. I'm a bad poet, but hey I try. I'm not an artist, heck I barely got a C in high school beginning art. But then again I got a C in gym and consider myself an athlete since I wrestled for 8 years and won league two years in a row. Right now I'm wearing a black t-shirt with a skull and two pistols on it which several girls have told me "scares them" but on top of that I'm wearing an ugly Christmas sweater that is about as intimidating as Mr. Rogers hugging a care bear! but perhaps the most important and bewildering contradiction is that I have many different faces, but I am an extremely straightforward person. If you figure that one out, let me know.

/ENDRANT/

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