Confusion, Colusion, and Criminal Enterprises (just a few musings)

Confusion
Why are emotions and feelings so hard to wrap your head around? Why can't a person know about themselves, their preferences, and their proclivities? Why can't ones subconscious hold a sort of cerebral "press conference," if you will, with my conscious to make me aware of what my heart and mind feels?

Colusion
I find it interesting that people feel that something that they either cannot or will not do by themselves is suddenly more possible, more acceptable, or less immoral when another person will assist that person in performing the act. Don't you?

Criminal Enterprises
I now understand how people can become Kleptomaniacs. I have recently been stealing a lot of stuff from ADX (don't worry, I returned it all) and there is a huge rush associated with the possibility of getting caught. I'm glad I'm not actually stealing stuff to keep, and don't condone it, but I can understand it!



Her Portrait in Black by Atreyu*, Creature by Atreyu*, Breathe into Me by RED*, Blow by Atreyu*, Bleeding Mascara by Atreyu*, Halleluja by Paramore, Empty Me by Jeremy Camp*, The Good Left Undone by Rise Against*

Some music to listen to, rather than to read about

my playlist



follow the link for audio treats

A bad day turned into a good day

Well the day started out crappy, since I was still working on my car, so it was out of commission and I couldn't go surfing in the morning.

But it ended up good since I got my first two vinyls in the mail. The Curse by Atreyu in red transparent vinyl, and A Death-grip on Yesterday by Atreyu in a red and black marbled vinyl. Then I fixed my car. I'm going surfing tomorrow, sweet





Breathe into Me by RED*, prayer of the refugee by Rise Against*, wrapped around your finger by Underoath*

update on my car

so I fixed the water pump and put the car back together. Then I turned it on, and I heard a new grinding sound :(
so here's the story:
while replacing the water pump, 3 of the 12 bolts that held it in place and sealed it, were stripped, so I drilled and tapped them one size larger. I didn't realize it until the car was reassembled, but the new bolts were just a hair too long, so they rubbed up against the timing chain :(

Translation: another day without the car







Right Side of the Bed by Atreyu*, Like the Angel by Rise Against, Final Goodbye by Comeback Kid, Dead Ringer by Rise Against*

What I'm listening to right now part II

Revolutions Per Minute
Artist: Rise Against
Favorite Tracks: Anyway You Want It, Black Masks & Gasoline, Dead Ringer, Broken English, Last Chance Blueprint, and Amber Changing

One-X
Artist: Three Days Grace
Favorite Tracks: Pain, Animal I have Become, Never Too Late, Riot, Over and Over, and Gone Forever

The Sufferer & The Witness
Artist: Rise Against
Favorite Tracks: Bricks, Prayer of the Refugee, Drones, Behind Closed Doors, Roadside, The Good Left Undone, and The Boy's No Good

The Curse (special edition vinyl)
Artist: Atreyu
Favorite Tracks: Bleeding Mascara, Right Side of the Bed, Corseting, My Sanity on the Funeral Pyre, and Five Vicodin Chased With a Shot of Clarity

A Death-grip On Yesterday
Artist: Atreyu
Favorite Tracks: Creature, Ex's and Oh's, Your Private War, My Fork in the Road (Your Knife in my Back)

Well Today Sucks!

Well, yesterday the water pump in my car sprung a leak and drained almost all of the coolant out of my car, bringing the engine dangerously close to exploding. Now I have no means of transportation for today, and to make it worse, me and my family aren't getting along very well, so all I wanna do is get out of the house.
I'm going nuts








Anyway You Want It by Rise Against*, Give it All by Rise Against, All these things I hate (Revolve Around Me) by BFMV*, It's Dangerous Business Walking Out Your Front Door by Underoath*

haha

I just realized that there are about 2 other people on the face of this earth that might have understood what the heck I was talking about. Oh well, I said what I came to say!









All these Things I Hate (Revolve Around Me) by BFMV*, Behind Closed Doors by Rise Against*, I'm Sorry by Flyleaf, Gin & Juice by Snoop Dogg

Isn't it funny?

That things that you once thought were absolutes are no longer true? It proves yet again that I don't really know myself at all. I don't wanna go into too much detail about this one, because its rather private, but ill just tell you that there was something that i never thought that i would feel, but now feel. so I'm intrigued, amused, and confused all at the same time. I don't understand it.

Sorry that this was a little cryptic,
Tim







I'm so Sick by Flyleaf, Tip the Scales by Rise Against*, Dead Ringer by Rise Against*, Down, Set, Go by Underoath, Writing on the Walls by Underoath

Okay, I may have been a little hasty

but im still not going back to the way it was. I hate the fact that people feel that its ok or acceptible for a goup of people who claim to give a s*** to gang up on one person. It's total bullcrap and an utter betrayal.









Down, Set, Go by Underoath, In Regards to Myself by Underoath, Life Less Frightening by Rise Against*

I'm done

I'm done trying to be nice to people that aren't nice to me or I don't get along with, so go F*** yourself

The answers to my music quiz on facebook.

a bonus for all the people that read my blog. I figured I'd give you the answers to my music related quiz since I talk about my music tastes in this blog so much. I know, it's kinda dumb, but oh well.

1. Ain't too proud to beg is by The Temptations
2. Atreyu is named after a character in the never-ending story
3. Tim McIlrath is not the singer of All That Remains
4. Epic is by both Atreyu and Faith No More
5. Pantera sings Walk
6. Flyleaf, with blood comes cleansing and As I lay dying are all christian
7. Riot is by Three Days Grace
8. Just Another Star is by Bullet for my Valentine
9. The Good Left Undone is by Rise Against
10. Cassie is by Flyleaf




State of the Union by Rise Against*, Room 409 by BFMV*, Down, Set, Go by Underoath, Get Out Alive by Three Days Grace

I'm a Tool...Kinda

Blow by Atreyu*

Gone Forever

well, like i told you, I'm now going to talk about it ended



I feel so, much better
Now that you're gone forever
Tell myself, that I don't miss you at all
Not lying,
denying,
that I feel so much better,
now that you're gone forever

So it finally ended when she moved away to Boston. It kind of freed me from this state of on again off again relationship status. I still cared about her though and felt pretty sad when she moved away, but I pretended not to. It worked out for the best in the end. I carried that scar around for a while though.







Gone Forever by Three Days Grace*, Under the Knife by Rise Against, Wake the Dead by Comeback Kid, Some Will Seek Forgiveness, Others Escape by UNDERØATH, I'm So Sick by Flyleaf*, Salmarnir by UNDERØATH, Amber Changing by Rise Against*, Bitter Tongue by Comeback Kid, Riot by Three Days Grace*, The Poison by BFMV, Watch Me Die by UNDERØATH

Over and Over

yet another Three Days Grace inspired post.

Over and Over
Over and Over
I fall for you
Over and Over
Over and Over
I try not to

This lyric reminds me of a particularly painful relationship in my past in where we were together for about 3 months and then it was a constant on and off thing. The problem was that I knew very well that we should have been off and not on, but I seemed powerless to end it. I really liked her, but I knew we would never work. However I seemed not to have the will power to end it. But it finally did end, I'll tell you about that later.

Maybe I'll do a post on all of the songs on this album, I've already done a bunch.







Blow by Atreyu*, 4 Words (to Choke upon) by BFMV, Over and Over by Three Days Grace*, Behind Closed Doors by Rise Against*, There for You by Flyleaf, Red Sam (Acoustic) by Flyleaf, Let it Die by Three Days Grace, Animal I Have Become by Three Days Grace, Hit the Floor by BFMV

Pain

(just another disclaimer, this post spawned from yet another song I was listening) but I thought it was appropriate, given new years resolution time.

"Cuz I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all"

once again, someone that is versed in rock would be able to tell you that this is a lyric from Pain by Three Days Grace

therefore my new years resolution is to allow myself to feel pain and grieve and not attempt to be numb. I might elaborate a little more later, but then again I might not.

Happy New Year,
The insecure little boy inside me






I'm Sorry by Flyleaf, The First Drop by Rise Against, Give and Take by Comeback Kid, Anywhere but Here by Rise Against, The Blue Note by UNDERØATH, Moving for the Sake of Motion by UNDERØATH

Inspired by: Pain by Three Days Grace